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Soft Skills: The Real Engine of Career Growth

  • Writer: Or Bar Cohen
    Or Bar Cohen
  • May 26
  • 4 min read

Your career doesn’t stall because of what you don’t know, but because of how you connect

Most careers don’t break because of technical mistakes.They break because of weak communication, poor collaboration, and unrefined emotional insight.

According to research, 89% of career failures are not due to technical deficiencies but to gaps in interpersonal and emotional skills (Watts & Girdler, 2023).


In a world where technical knowledge changes rapidly, human skills have become the most stable, scalable advantage. The good news is that these skills are not innate but learnable.


Here are nine essential human skills that most people never truly master—and how to start building them:



  1. Make People Feel Like They Matter

(The “Seen, Heard, Respected” Approach)

Axel Honneth’s (1995) theory of recognition suggests that social inclusion and identity are formed through mutual acknowledgment. You build an authentic connection when people feel recognized, acknowledged, and respected.


Practice Tip: In every interaction, ask yourself: Did I reflect what I heard? Show empathy? Express authentic respect?


  1. Say More With Less

(The Power of Nonverbal Presence)

Mehrabian’s model (1972) shows that tone and body language outweigh words in expressing meaning. Only 7% of communication is verbal. 93% is how you say it and how you move.


Practice Tip: Record yourself or use a mirror. Practice posture, hand gestures, and facial expressions—project calm confidence.


  1. Speak in Signals, Not Paragraphs

(Master the 4-Bullet Update)

Te’eni (2001) found that well-framed communication boosts clarity and collaboration. Structured updates eliminate confusion and highlight what matters.


Practice Tip: Use this format in every update: what happened, what was achieved, what’s the challenge, and what’s next.


  1. Upgrade Your Voice, Not Just Your Message

(Sharpening Speaking Through Self-Review)

Flavell (1979) introduced metacognition as a key to learning from one’s behavior. Great communicators refine their style as much as their substance.


Practice Tip: Record yourself explaining a concept. Listen back for filler words, pacing, and tone. Choose one small change to work on.


  1. Ask Better Questions - Build Better Relationships

(Lead Through Curiosity, Not Control)

Thoughtful questions create trust and uncover insight others miss. Open-ended inquiry builds stronger collaboration and trust (Brodt & Tuchinsky, 2000)


Practice Tip: Go into meetings with 2–3 strategic questions. Aim to uncover values, not just facts.


  1. Make Your Wins Visible - Quietly

(The Power of Weekly Reflections)

A short recap can drive alignment and build credibility over time.  Edmondson (1999) showed that reflective sharing promotes learning and team trust.


Practice Tip: On Fridays, summarize what you accomplished, what you learned, and where you could use support.


  1. Respond, Don’t React

(Emotionally Intelligent Self-Leadership)

Goleman (1995) positioned emotional intelligence as central to long-term leadership success.. Staying composed under pressure builds trust faster than being right.


Practice Tip: When emotions spike, pause, label the feeling, and choose your next move with intention, not instinct.


  1. Use Names Like They Matter

(Turn Memory Into Meaning)

Remembering names is a simple but powerful way to show people they matter. Carmody & Lewis (2006) found that hearing our name activates deep neural attention networks.


Practice Tip: Say a new name at least three times. Use visual associations to remember it. Write it down after the meeting.


  1. Learn Like It’s Your Job - Because It Is

(Micro-Habits That Fuel Macro Growth)

Ericsson et al. (1993) proved that regular, deliberate practice is the engine of expert-level success.. In a changing world, consistent learners become consistent leaders.


Practice Tip: Block 30 minutes daily for learning—articles, podcasts, simulations. Make it part of your workday, not an afterthought.


Final Thought

The future belongs not to those who know the most, but to those who adapt fastest, listen deeply, and connect meaningfully. Technical skills may open the door, but soft skills keep you in the room - and help you lead it.

Focus less on showcasing expertise. Focus more on becoming someone others want to grow with.

References

  • Brodt, S. E., & Tuchinsky, M. (2000). Working together but in conflict: Conflict management in organizational work groups. Journal of Conflict Resolution, 44(5), 712–739.

  • Carmody, D. P., & Lewis, M. (2006). Brain activation when hearing one’s own and others’ names. Brain Research, 1116(1), 153–158.

  • Edmondson, A. (1999). Psychological safety and learning behavior in work teams. Administrative Science Quarterly, 44(2), 350–383.

  • Ericsson, K. A., Krampe, R. T., & Tesch-Römer, C. (1993). The role of deliberate practice in the acquisition of expert performance. Psychological Review, 100(3), 363–406.

  • Flavell, J. H. (1979). Metacognition and cognitive monitoring: A new area of cognitive-developmental inquiry. American Psychologist, 34(10), 906–911.

  • Goleman, D. (1995). Emotional intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ. Bantam Books.

  • Honneth, A. (1995). The struggle for recognition: The moral grammar of social conflicts. MIT Press.

  • Mehrabian, A. (1972). Nonverbal communication. Aldine-Atherton.

  • Te’eni, D. (2001). Review: A cognitive-affective model of organizational communication for designing IT. MIS Quarterly, 25(2), 251–312.

  • Watts, L. L., & Girdler, S. S. (2023). The essential soft skills for workplace success. Organizational Psychology Journal, 18(1), 35–48.

 
 
 

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